Becoming a mom is one of those experiences where you can read all the books, take all the classes, and ask all the well-meaning family members for advice—and still be caught off guard.
No one tells you just how much it’s going to change you, not just in the big, life-altering ways, but in the tiny, often hilarious details that sneak up on you when you least expect it.
I’ve been a mom now for a few years, and I’ve learned a lot on this wild ride. Some lessons were surprising, others were downright humorous, and a few were just plain humbling. So, here are 10 things I wish I knew before becoming a mom—and the lessons they’ve taught me about life, love, and surviving the chaos.
1. Your Heart Will Be in a Constant State of Stress and Joy
Before becoming a mom, I thought the love I felt for my husband was intense. Then I had kids. Holy moly. I’ve never known my heart could feel like it’s simultaneously exploding with love and anxiety in the same moment. One minute, I’m marveling at their tiny hands holding mine, and the next, I’m panicking because someone has just climbed the kitchen table again, and I’m pretty sure I’ll need to buy a whole new house if we keep this up.
Lesson Learned: Love is more complicated than I ever imagined, and sometimes it feels like my heart is on a roller coaster. But I’ve learned to hold both the highs and the lows and appreciate the crazy ride.
2. Sleep Is the Ultimate Luxury
Before I became a mom, I was that person who could pull an all-nighter and still function. Sure, I’d be tired, but I could handle it. Now? If I don’t get my 7-8 hours (okay, let’s be real, 5 hours) of sleep, I’m basically a walking zombie. And forget about "sleeping in"—that’s a mythical concept reserved for people without children.
Lesson Learned: Sleep is golden. Treasure it when you can, and never, ever take a nap-free day for granted again.
3. Your Idea of “Clean” Will Be Completely Rewritten
Before kids, I was a stickler for cleanliness. I loved the idea of having a tidy, well-organized home. Now? I’ve adjusted my standards, and my definition of “clean” has completely evolved. As long as there’s no visible mold growing on the dishes and I can see the floor (most of the time), I’m good. And don’t even get me started on the state of the car—honestly, the number of Cheerios in that backseat is borderline impressive.
Lesson Learned: Perfection is overrated. Sometimes the mess is just part of the joy of having little ones around.
4. You Will Make a Lot of Messy Choices
Before becoming a mom, I prided myself on being a planner—organized, calm, and put-together. Then came kids, and I quickly realized that sometimes the best option is just whatever gets you through the day. Cereal for dinner? Fine. Watching cartoons for hours because it’s the only way you can get through the workday while trying to feed a toddler? You do what you’ve got to do. The whole "perfect mom" ideal? That went out the window the second my first child threw a tantrum in the middle of Target.
Lesson Learned: It’s okay to make messy choices. Sometimes, getting through the day is a win in itself, and that’s all that matters.
5. Time Moves in a Way You Can't Control
Before becoming a mom, I had a pretty good grip on my schedule. I knew what I was doing next, what my day looked like, and when I could squeeze in a workout or a quiet moment. But once kids arrive? Time becomes a slippery thing. I can plan my day all I want, but they have their own agenda—whether I like it or not.
Lesson Learned: Embrace the unpredictability. Schedules will be thrown out the window, and flexibility is your best friend. But the one thing I didn’t anticipate? How quickly they grow up. One minute, you’re giving them a bottle, and the next, they’re telling you they don't need your help with their shoes.
6. The Guilt Will Never Fully Go Away
Before becoming a mom, I thought guilt was reserved for major life mistakes—like, you know, forgetting your wedding anniversary or not sending that thank-you card. But after becoming a mom, I quickly realized that the guilt will hit you for everything—from not having enough patience when they’re throwing a tantrum to not reading them enough books at bedtime. Even when you do your best, you’ll question whether it’s enough.
Lesson Learned: The guilt will come, but you’re doing better than you think. Give yourself some grace.
7. You’ll Learn to Love the Little Things
Before becoming a mom, I always thought I needed grand moments to make life special. I imagined elaborate vacations, big birthday parties, and fancy dinners. But what I didn’t realize was how much joy the little things bring. I cherish quiet mornings with a cup of coffee while my kids eat breakfast (even though they're covered in pancake syrup). Or the times when they grab my hand for no reason other than just wanting to be near me.
Lesson Learned: The little moments are the big moments. Appreciate the small, seemingly insignificant times, because they’re often the most meaningful.
8. You Will Lose Your Identity and Then Find It Again
Before I became a mom, I had a pretty clear idea of who I was—career-focused, independent, and socially active. But after kids, that sense of identity got a little lost. I found myself wrapped up in motherhood, and suddenly my personal interests, hobbies, and even my sense of self seemed to fade into the background.
Lesson Learned: It’s okay to feel like you’ve lost yourself for a while. It’s also okay to reclaim parts of who you were before becoming a mom. It might look a little different, but that’s part of the beauty of it. You’ll figure it out again—maybe just a little more tired and with a lot more snacks in your bag.
9. You’ll Become a Master of Multitasking (Whether You Like It or Not)
Before becoming a mom, I thought I was pretty good at multitasking. I could handle a phone call, cook dinner, and write an email—all while standing on one foot. But with kids? I’m now a true multitasking ninja. I can simultaneously give a snack, solve a fight, and schedule a doctor’s appointment all while holding a toddler on my hip. It’s a superpower, really.
Lesson Learned: You’ll get really good at multitasking. But don’t forget to take a breather once in a while and appreciate the chaos you’re managing.
10. You’ll Discover a New Kind of Patience
Before I became a mom, I thought I had patience. I really did. Then came the first meltdown over a cookie that wasn’t the right shape, followed by the second tantrum over socks that were “too tight” (that weren’t actually too tight). Now? I’ve learned that patience isn’t just about waiting; it’s about staying calm in the middle of the storm.
Lesson Learned: Patience isn’t about perfection. It’s about weathering the storm, even if your inner monologue is screaming for a break.
The Bottom Line: No One’s Ready, But We’re All Doing It
The truth is, no one’s really ready for the whirlwind of motherhood. Sure, we can prepare as much as possible, but nothing truly prepares you for how much your heart will stretch, how much you’ll change, and how much you’ll laugh (and cry) in the process. Motherhood is messy, unpredictable, and constantly evolving—and that’s part of its beauty.
So, if you're a new mom or expecting one day, don’t stress about knowing it all. It’s all a learning process. And trust me, you’ve got this.
XX, Kelleen
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