Gosh, don't you feel silly when you complain about someone "copying" you??
"Imitation is the greatest form of flattery" uh okay, until it's NOT.
You just get your hair done, and your friend schedules to get hers done too. Coincidence? Maybe. Until you realize that homegirl is rocking the same new do as you. Or maybe you plan this bomb vacation for you and your husband, a romantic getaway or something, and next thing you know, homegirl is out there touring the city with her new beau. Or you get a brand-new bag, as a gift or to celebrate something meaningful, and all of a sudden, your said friend is showing off, her all but similar, *NEW* bag. Big or small, from social media posts and clothing to vacations and lifelong commitments... having a copycat in your circle can be damn annoying.
Did you know that this is actually quite common.
It is common to feel like you are watching someone else plagiarize your life and living their own copyrighted version. It is normal to feel frustrated and even angry, but it is important that we try and see their perspective, regardless of how hard that may be.
The truth is, people who hang around together, can begin to mirror one another in a lot of different aspects. Style, likes and dislikes, mannerisms... it can be entirely subconscious, where they may not even realize they are doing what they are doing. And maybe so, it is YOU doing the mirroring. Many people aim to fit in. They want to find their people and stay there. To become what they perceive to be "it". To have "it". To be "it." All of"it".
Friendships and all relationships can be difficult to navigate. While some imitation can be flattering, there is a definite limit to it, that is oftentimes overstepped and crossed 10 times ago. I think that there are a couple different ways to help you to nip-it-in-the-bud.
A. Talk it out. Clear, open, communication. Communicate your feelings and whether it is your BFF or a new friend, let them know how you feel, while giving them the benefit of the doubt. There is no need to place blame. Maybe their explanation will be that they didn't notice that they were doing it, or she may get defensive, but open communication is key with people you care about. Chances are, if your friend is a chronic copycat, they are most likely insecure and has a hard time trusting their own instincts. Being straight forward with her and addressing the issue might help more than you'd expect. The key is to be gentle, but direct. Using subtleties won't get you anywhere. By taking it out, you might find that the adopting of your interests is their way to get to know you better or even that they don't even recognize it.
B. Keep it to yourself. The safest way to avoid this type of situation, is to just keep things that are oftentimes imitated to yourself. It may feel frustrating to have to keep things on the DL, but I think it is important for all of us to have some form of secrecy in our lives. Keep that baby name or tattoo idea private until you actually have the baby or actually get the tattoo. (If you friend is still copying your actual tattoo or actual baby name, and not just the ideas, that’s a whole different scenario). It may seem simple, but it can oftentimes feel like a heartbreak in the end.
C. Switch it up. Try taking this opportunity as a sign to change things up a little bit. Whether it be your appearance or hobbies, a new coffee shop or vacation plans, switch it up! If they follow suit, maybe, just maybe, you'll have helped them find a new favorite, and who knows, maybe it'll stick! The kicker here is that you also get to try new things and see what other interests you may have, that you didn’t know prior. This is also a sure-fire way to tell if you've indeed, picked yourself up a full-fledged copycat.
If all else fails, the only other route is to just accept the fact that you're really, just that good and that you are leaving a legacy behind- not just to your family but to their family as well (and they should thank you!) Although there can be some serious teeth-grinding as a result, eventually your copycat will grow board of you and start picking their inspiration elsewhere, as they do. You will notice that these types of people move from group to group, from person to person. Their interests change as often as their underwear and their lifestyle is quick to follow. It will also help if you stop always being available for the weekend brunch or trips to the bar for a while.
Do you have any helpful advice on how to deal with a copycat friend?
XO, Kelleen
Komentáře