From my perspective, I think that at the end of the day, mothers and wives find themselves begging for someone to notice that the floor has been mopped. That the form on the fridge was filled out and mailed, that the weird crevice beside the toilet and wall has been scrubbed and bleached. For someone to notice that their favorite snacks have been replenished and the appointment is made and the presents for everyone has been purchased and wrapped. That everyone has everything that they didn't know they needed.
As mothers and wives, we are asking for our work to be acknowledged because when it isn't, it is like we have spent our lives doing work, that doesn't even matter. Work that is not-acknowledge-worthy.
The work that was expected to be done.
Caring for those we love most of all, brings so much joy and purpose to our lives, but the weight of all the small and mundane things, become unbearable when left unnoticed for time on end.
This feeling of constantly taking care of others, without acknowledgement can quickly spiral into what has been coined as "mommy rage."
But sometimes, it isn't just mommy rage.
Sometimes it's "mommy has been doing everything, for everyone but herself and in turn, Mommy, has neglected her needs, while society and even loved ones, have gaslight her into thinking she needs to take a minute to calm down and be thankful, because she choose this. And this, is what motherhood is. And mama, if you feel this way or have felt this way, I want you to know that your feelings are heard here, they are valid and necessary.
Speaking for myself, I find myself quick to anger when I feel the most overwhelmed by my responsibilities. I get frustrated and that becomes displaced anger, because I am terrified that I am not doing this right. That this mom gig that I have taken on, is something I am failing at. That this wife gig I've got, is not meant for me... This displaced anger is my body's way of crying out because I feel out of control. I feel alone and unsupported. This overwhelming worry and self-doubt leads to loneliness because no one wants to hear about my own insecurities as a wife and mother and I am sure a little bit of pride too- no one wants to admit that shit's rocky. This anger, this mom rage, is mom crying out for someone to throw her a floatation device and bring here ashore. Those feelings, both valid and necessary, need to be addressed. And addressed in a way where the anger isn't shamed. Where the insecurities aren't mocked but rather answered with grace and appreciation.
What is sometimes misunderstood, is that stay-at-home mom, are living on less than 10%. No one is feeding her and ensuring that she has had time to brush her teeth and shower before busing her kids off to school and daycare. No one is there to run her a bath or grab her some cough medicine while she is sick. No one is asking her what she needs and how they can help, until she has lost it on somebody, and they recognize what is happening (if you are lucky). No one helps to recharge moms’ batteries the way she makes sure iPads are plugged in before bed and there is gas in the lawn mower. Moms have to force themselves to stop at the end of the day and then once she stops, she has to decide between taking care of herself, or catching up on rest. Between starting a new book or mindlessly scrolling social media. And then, before she knows it, it's after midnight and she is anxiously awaiting the sun rising and the alarms ringing.
Moms need to be plugged the fuck in.
The moms are not okay, and they need to be charged.
If you have a mama in your life, be sure to give her the acknowledgement she deserves, even for those day-to-day tasks, those mundane but necessary tasks.
Nothing would get done without her, and life would sure as heck, not go on as it, without her. Mama, you are a rockstar!! XO, Kelleen
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