Consideration: The Quiet Choice That Changes Our Marriage

Thirteen years together. Six years married.

That number alone holds a lot — a lot of seasons, versions of ourselves, mistakes, growth, exhaustion, laughter, and learning how to love each other in ways that actually last.

Every year, my husband and I choose a word to guide our marriage. Not a resolution. Not a checklist. A word — something that anchors us when life gets loud.

This year, our word is consideration.

And no — it’s not flashy.

In fact, it doesn’t come with grand gestures or viral romance moments. But it might be the most powerful word we’ve chosen yet.

What Consideration Really Means in Marriage

Consideration isn’t about being nice for the sake of keeping peace.

It’s about actively thinking about your partner before you speak, react, decide, or act.

It’s asking yourself:

• How will this make them feel?

• What are they carrying today?

• Is this about being right… or being kind?

• What does my partner need from me in this moment?

At its core, consideration is empathy in motion.

It’s seeing your spouse as a whole, separate human — with their own stress, fears, hopes, and limits — not just as someone who exists to meet your needs.

Why Consideration Matters More Than Ever

After more than a decade together, we’ve learned something important:

Love doesn’t usually fall apart in one big moment. It erodes in a thousand small, overlooked ones.

Unspoken expectations. Dismissed feelings. Reacting instead of responding. Assuming instead of asking.

Consideration is what stops that erosion.

It’s what builds trust quietly, day after day. It’s what makes a home feel emotionally safe. It’s what keeps resentment from taking root.

What Consideration Looks Like in Everyday Life

This is where it gets real — because consideration isn’t reserved for anniversaries or date nights. It looks like:

• Listening without fixing.

• Pausing before snapping back.

• Picking up slack when your partner is running on empty.

• Respecting boundaries without taking them personally.

• Being present instead of distracted.

• Choosing your tone as carefully as your words.

It’s small things:

• A text that says, “Thinking of you.”

• Handling something so your partner doesn’t have to ask.

• Letting them rest without guilt.

• Celebrating their wins — even the quiet ones no one else sees.

Supporting Growth, Not Competing With It

One of the most overlooked parts of consideration is supporting who your partner is becoming, not just who they’ve always been.

We don’t stay the same people forever. Dreams change. Priorities shift. Capacity fluctuates.

Consideration means:

• Encouraging growth, even when it stretches you.

• Holding space during setbacks.

• Being their safe place when life doesn’t go as planned.

• 
  

It’s choosing partnership over comparison. Team over ego.

Respecting Boundaries Is Love

Here’s a truth that took us time to learn:

Boundaries don’t weaken a marriage — they protect it.

Consideration means honoring your partner’s need for space, solitude, hobbies, or downtime without guilt or resentment.

It’s trusting that love doesn’t disappear when someone needs a moment to themselves.

A secure marriage makes room for individuality.

Choosing Consideration Daily (Even When It’s Hard)

Let’s be honest — choosing consideration isn’t always easy.

It’s harder when you’re tired.

When the kids are loud. When work is stressful. When you feel unseen or overwhelmed yourself.

But that’s exactly when it matters most.

Consideration asks us to slow down.

To respond instead of react.

To remember that the person in front of us is not the enemy — they’re our teammate.

The Home We’re Building

After all these years together, this is what we want our marriage to feel like:

• Safe.

• Seen.

• Supported.

• Considered.

Not perfect. Not performative. 
Just real, intentional, and rooted in love that shows up in the everyday.

This year, we’re choosing consideration — not because our marriage is lacking, but because it’s worth protecting.

Because love isn’t just something you feel. It’s something you practice.

Every single day.

Coming Next

In the next post, I’ll share:

• Practical ways we’re applying consideration in real life

• How to practice it during conflict

• What consideration looks like in different seasons of marriage

Because this isn’t just our word for the year — it’s a lifestyle we’re building.

XX, Kelleen