Friendships are a two-way street.
Read that again.
Friendships are a TWO. WAY. STREET.
For the people in the back, friendships are a two-way street.
Clear??
Something that I have learned the hard way, time and time again, is the two-way street that makes for a meaningful friendship. I am the friend that is very loyal and will always show up for you. I will text and call, I will show up to your house and to girls’ night. If you invite me to a party, I will be there with a bottle of wine or a 12 back of beer. If you want to grab lunch or a drink, I will make it happen. And I am super proud that I rarely cancel my plans and commitments once they are made! But something I have really had to come to terms with, is how the people that I invest my time into, does not always reciprocate with the same energy. I put in 110% and they are wavering at 50-75%.
It used to really bother me. I never understand what I was doing wrong, I felt like I was being the friend I was wanting them to be to me. Why weren't my friends being the first to reach out and why weren't they asking me how my day was or asking to meet up, why was it that some of my friendships seemed to be centered around the other person and what they were doing, what their kids were doing, the trips they were going on and so on and so forth, versus having an equal parted friendship.
I am not the one who needs to be preached to about how busy life can be. I am one hundred percent with you on that, life IS busy. My life is busy. I have a million and six things to do and not nearly enough time to complete just a third of them. But I will ALWAYS find time for the people I love, for the meaningful friendships. For my people. I am all for sending a quick text saying "hey, thinking about you. I hope you are well, let's catch up soon." I like to show my friends that they are thought of and that I am always there for them. That I am the girl that is down to grab a glass of wine or coffee, to embark on a girl's night and who prioritizes friendships and quality time together.
I have learned that for many people, they aren't always willing to reciprocate that type of loyalty and they are unable to match my level of commitment to our friendship. That maybe they just don’t deserve my time at all. This allows for better friendships to blossom and new friendships to form. For my time, to be spent on people who value me and value the friendship I bring to their life. True friends are those that come into your life and never leave your side, no matter how busy life gets, no matter the distance, friends that make time for friendship.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to put me and our friendship before you and your husband, before your kids and their extracurriculars, before your work and family... but I feel like everyone is able to find balance. It is a part of life to find balance, and all I ever ask for is to be valued and to have our friendship run parallel.
I show up because without my friendships, I would be absolutely miserable. My tribe is everything to me. I need friends in my life and love to make meaningful connections with others. I pour and give without any hesitation- which I feel like is how friendships are supposed to be. Right?
What I do for my friends is not because I expect anything in return. The end game for me isn't to be in a competition of who can do what for one another. Friendships should be organic and real. Friends should be selfless in their acts, and you should want to be a good friend, because that’s what you want. Not just because you think that’s what you are supposed to do. I mean, you do you, but you get what you give.
To be honest. If you are reading this and are feeling even the slightest bit of guilt, maybe because you could possibly be that type of friend, the one that cancels on your plans to meet up, is always waiting for the other friend to text and never reaching out first, or you just have been slacking in the friend department... I hope that you hear me clearly... REACH OUT, girlfriend!! Send your friends a brief text, call them or even FaceTime them! Write them on Facebook, Instagram, send them a pigeon... whatever you need to do, but make sure that your friends that are putting in the effort with you, that you are relaying it tenfold to them. And recognize who reciprocates back and who doesn't...
To the people that are reading this and relate because they are the friend that gives and gives and gets nothing in return, you are solid freaking gold babe. SOLID GOLD!! Keep doing your thing and don’t ever stop. Don’t ever allow anyone to dull your kindness and good soul. Your people, your tribe, will come! Your friends that appreciate you will stick around and emerge from the darkness. And guess what, it is totally okay to break off friendships that don’t make you feel good. Break-up with the friends who don’t value you and don’t respect your time and value. Friendships that are real and organic will cultivate and replace those who are just another number on your no call, no show, list.
The bottom line here friends, is to be a good friend. Be the friend you wish you had! Be the friend that inspires other to be at the best version of themselves. Encourage your friends and let them know how important they are to you!!
Be a friend.
And a good one at that!!
XO, Kelleen
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