In my experience, mom guilt appears in waves.
There are days when you feel like you've got it all together! The dishes are done, the kids are fed, the house is clean, you were able to drink your coffee without heating it up, the kids are getting along and playing well.. you know what I’m talking about. But then the next day you wake up and it's like a sick hangover. All the feelings you had from the day before, all that you had accomplished, just vanished. The kids are testing you; you're running late, you are looooosing it. Then you sit down, once the chaos has dissipated for a quick moment and you think back to your morning and everything that you did wrong. The mom guilt eats at you, and you immediately wish you could take the whole morning back and start fresh, to do more, to be better, to make all the wrongs right. But then the next day, you wake up and the guilt is back, but different. The stress of life, "should I be working?" "Since my kids stay at home with me, are they missing out on the socialization that daycare or preschool facilitates?" "Am I doing things that will poorly affect my children?" Or maybe you are this close to losing your mind and wonder if the tantrums little Timmy is throwing are "normal" and maybe not a direct reflection of your parenting skills.
Motherhood is hard. But the silver lining is that all the moms you see at the parent pick up or at Target that look like they've got it ALL together- you know the ones with the perfect hair and perfect kids, well dressed and you can't imagine lacking eye bags like she's got... yeah her, she's been through it too. The exhaustion you face as a new mom or a mom that's just tired, the zombie mama that's waking up every 3 hours to feed the baby- you forget what it's like to be a "functioning" woman. The mornings you wake up to running noses and coughing, you literally run-on fumes because you just want your babies to feel better! The moments you want to escape, for minutes at least, even just to sit in your car and drink your Starbucks without a million questions coming at you from the back. But you don’t ever do that because focusing on yourself is the bottom of the list of to-dos, you've got littles that you have to cater to. The days where you sit in the closet or in the shower and just cry due to the overwhelming feeling but then you pull yourself together, with a happy, smiling face so that your sweet babies don't see you upset.
We all have different parenting journeys, but we all have been through it. We understand it. We hear you. We feel you.
All those mindless tasks that you take care of each week without second guessing , to make your husband and kids happy- make it a point to remember YOU. Remember your heart and remind yourself that without a shadow of a doubt, your kids love you to their very core! They aren't searching for Susie Homemaker at the student pick up line, they are looking for you! Messy bun, leggings, coffee stain... allllll of you! Our kids never doubt our ability to make things better, that boo boo is instantly better when embraced by mommy, someone hurt their feelings- have no fear, mama can fix it. How freaking cool is that? It's seriously the best superpower. I mean, think about it, it’s so magical!
Whether you stay home or have a corporate job, you do it for them- and one day, they will see that! You are NOT a bad mom or less than, for taking sacrifices for yourself- for putting yourself first! Honestly, you mama; you are strong, resilient, and selfless.
I admire every mama and I hope that you never forget to take time for yourself (now I know that is easier said than done...) but do something that sets your soul on fire, guilt free! The woman you were before kiddos, she's still there, and that bad b****** deserves some love and attention too!
Cheers to you mama! Cheers to the endless sacrifices you make, the endless love you share and the hard times you've passed through for your children. You are doing the most important job there is, and don't count yourself out for all the amazing things you do for your family!
You're my hero!
XO, Kelleen
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