Loving You, The Way You Need to Be Loved: 5 Love Language Deep Dive

Being deliberate in my marriage and focusing on being intentional with one another has really opened my eyes to the vast opportunities and creativity available within my marriage. Over the last two months, my husband and I have been working together, at being more deliberate with our time and marriage, we are learning more about creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. As I looked inward at the More Ways to Say I Love You, the conversation opened with my husband about our love languages, and how we could better cater to each other.

There are five primary love languages, or so says Google:

Acts of Service | Words of Affirmation | Receiving Gifts | Physical Touch  | Quality Time

Everyone feels love in different ways and wishes to receive love in different ways. To some, nothing says I love you, like a “good morning” text. Some might crave a hug to feel the love, while others might appreciate more, a sweet handwritten note. 

Doing the research or looking inward, to determine your love language, can help you discover how you give and would like to receive, love and how to better love your spouse. 

Acts of Service- If you get butterflies when your spouse lands the dishwasher or vacuums, then this just may be the way to your heart!

Anything you do to help ease the burden of responsibility, heavily weights on an "acts of service" lover. Hearing "let me do this for you" or just having things being done without asking, speaks volumes. Seeing your loved one on the side of laziness or broken commitments has this type of lover feeling un loved and unsupported. Making more work for them, tells the speaker of this love language, that their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to better serve your spouse, speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

Words of Affirmation - Actions, hardly, speak louder than words.

If this is your love language or the love language of your partner, unsolicited compliments means the world to you/them. Hearing the words, "I love you" or "you're amazing | great | beautiful | everything | etc." is important and crucial. Hearing the reasons behind that love sends their spirits skyward and insults can leave you feeling shattered and are not easily forgotten. Keeping kind, encouraging and positive words are truly life-giving and makes all the difference!

Receiving Gifts - Easily mistaken for the love language for materialism, the receiver of gifts, thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind a gift.

If you speak this love language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are well known and cared for, prized and above whatever was sacrifices by giving said gift. A missed birthday, anniversary or a hasty, thoughtless gift, would be soul crushing and some may even say disastrous. Gifts for some, are a visual representation of love and are treasured greatly, regardless of the size.

Physical Tough - This is more than just bedroom love.

A person who is a physical tough type of lover, is very touchy - surprising right? Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face- can be all the ways to show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence and accessibility are critical and fostered a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Quality Time - Nothing says "I love you" like someone's full, undivided attention.

Being there for this type of lover, is crucial and not just being there, like sitting next to, but being there with the TV off, all chores and tasks put on the back burner, while you full-heartedly listen and be present for your lover. Distractions, postponed dates or failure to listen is hurtful and sharing those quality conversations and quality actives make all the difference!!

In marriage and when growing your relationship, knowing the love language of your spouse can be life changing!! Even the relationships you share with your other loved ones such as your siblings or parents, children and friends, can be positively affected when you look into how to love them, the best way, for them!

What makes love languages so fascinating, is that the two people within the relationship, may have very different love languages, but that's what makes it so important- what makes you feel the most loved, may not be the same way your partner feels loved. 

For me, I am an Acts of Service type of girl. And Words of Affirmation is a close second! I love when my husband tells me he's going to do something and he does it! Or when he takes care of the vacuuming or mopping without me asking- oooooh! Add a surprise note by the coffee pot, and I am smitten! My husband, he is a Physical Touch and Quality Time lover. And if you know him, then you know that that is him without even seeing his test results. Going up and giving him a hug, when he is in the middle of making himself a snack, is something he loves and spending the day together, at the track, is the way to his heart, for sure!!

As we have learned more about how we like to receive love, and how each other likes to receive it, we find it easier to love on one another! I know how he wishes to be loved, and I am deliberately ensuring that his physical love box and quality time boxes are checked day after day! Not everyday are his boxes checked and neither are mine, but as we work daily at improving our marriage, the extra hugs and kisses make all the difference!

What’s your love language?

If you’re in a relationship, is it the same as your partner’s?

I encourage you and your spouse to take the quizzes and really deep dive into what makes your fire ignite. Meeting your spouse at their love language and deliberately implementing it more into your day to day life, will add so much!!

XO, Kelleen