More Than Just Dependability

Dependable Isn’t the Only Word I Want My Kids to Use

Dependability is a word many parents hope their children will one day use, to describe them.

It carries weight — reliability, trust, unwavering support.

It means you showed up when it mattered.

I recently watched a movie where a mother and daughter sat together, creating their yearly vision board. Somewhere between cutting out words and dreaming about the future, the mom asked her daughter a simple question: “What word would you use to describe me?”

The daughter didn’t hesitate.“Dependable.”

That moment struck a chord.

Because dependable is a strong word. An admirable one. Especially in motherhood and marriage. It means your children feel safe. It means they knew, without question, that you would be there.

And yes — I want that.

I want my boys to know I’ll be there for every pickup and drop-off. Every award ceremony. Every talent show. That I’ll answer the phone, give guidance, and step into the role of “adult” whenever they need me to. That kind of consistency builds trust and security. It tells them they can count on me, no matter what.

But dependable isn’t the only word I want them to use.

I also want them to remember me as motivated. Dedicated. Resilient. Trustworthy.

And just as importantly — witty. Sarcastic. Adaptable. Curious. Open-minded.

Maybe even the life of the party.

Because motherhood is complex and layered.

We are not just dependable caregivers — we are dynamic, multi-dimensional people.

Dependability as the Foundation

Dependability is the base.

The steady ground beneath everything else.

When children know their parent is reliable, they feel safe enough to explore the world. They feel secure enough to take risks, ask questions, and discover who they are becoming. Dependability doesn’t mean rigidity — it means creating a stable foundation from which all other parts of ourselves can grow.

It means being present. It means showing up.And for me, that part is non-negotiable.

Showing Our True Selves Beyond Dependability

But I don’t want my boys to think motherhood erased who I was before them.

I want them to know the “fly by the seat of my pants” version of me still exists. The woman who might pierce her nose on a random Saturday afternoon just because she wants to. The wife who buys a tattoo gun and turns a Wednesday night into a makeshift tattoo parlor with her husband.

Those moments matter.

They show my kids that being a parent doesn’t mean losing your individuality or your joy. That responsibility and spontaneity can coexist. That life doesn’t have to become smaller just because it becomes more serious.

When children witness their parents embracing quirks, humor, creativity, and curiosity, they learn that adulthood isn’t something to dread. They learn that life is more than obligations — it’s also about laughter, exploration, and fun.

Balancing Roles Without Losing Identity

So many parents struggle with this balance — being the dependable parent while holding onto their identity. It’s easy to feel boxed into what a mother or wife should look like.

But that narrow mold doesn’t serve us — or our kids.

I strive to be the parent my boys can always count on and the person I was born to be. I embrace responsibility alongside humor. Stability alongside spontaneity. Structure alongside freedom.

Because when children see their parents as whole people, they gain permission to become whole people- themselves.

Why It Matters for Our Children

When kids grow up watching parents who are layered and human, they learn empathy. They learn that people are complex. That mistakes don’t define you. That growth is lifelong.

They see how to balance responsibility with joy. Seriousness with playfulness. Dependability with curiosity.

And maybe one day, when they’re asked to describe me, they’ll say dependable.

But I hope they also say I showed them how to live.

How to laugh.

How to take up space.

And how to stay true to who you are — even as life asks more of you.

Because becoming a parent didn’t change who I was.

It expanded her.

You can be dependable and dynamic.

Strong and spontaneous.

Grounded and still a little wild.

And your children will be better for seeing all of you.

XX, Kelleen