In a world that often praises the qualities of being a reliable shoulder to lean on, the unsung heroes sometimes find themselves at a crossroads, navigating the complexities of being the fixer, the peacemaker, the ultimate support system.
Imagine life without that one person; that person you go to when life is unwinding itself before your eyes, the friend that comes to every baseball game and soccer practice, the friend who send the impromptu coffee gift-card when you've been up all night with a sick kiddo... The type of friend who shows up for everyone, at every invite, every occasion, and every hardship. Their generosity knows no bounds, and their love for friends, family, and acquaintances is unwavering.
The narrative of always being there for others, of carrying the weight of everyone's struggles and celebrations, paints a picture of immense strength and selflessness. Yet, beneath this facade of unwavering support lies a vulnerability that often goes unnoticed. As I prepare to dive deep into the conflicting emotions of being the pillar that holds everything together, while feeling like they are taken for granted, used, and discarded when no longer needed, has this superpower of mine, ultimately becoming my downfall.
The story unravels with a poignant realization - the dichotomy of being the reliable cornerstone in others' lives while grappling with the loneliness that comes with feeling unseen and unvalued. In a sense of vulnerability and openness, I have come to acknowledge this pattern within myself, of attracting relationships that are one-sided, where my worth is defined by what I can offer to others, rather than longevity and character.
The burden of being the perpetual giver, the eternal comforter, weighs heavy on my shoulders, leaving me, and others who have traveled in these shoes, questioning why we allow ourselves to be treated in ways that diminish our worth.While reflecting on personal experiences and relationships, I have come to a pivotal moment of introspection and self-discovery. The willingness to acknowledge my own vulnerabilities, to confront the patterns that have shaped my interactions, and to delve into the depths of my own emotional landscape signifies a journey towards rediscovering of onesself. The unraveling of these layers, the exploration of past attachments and their impact, pave the way for a transformative process of finding inner strength and reclaiming personal identity beyond the roles of a fixer or a people pleaser.
Perhaps the roots of this narrative trace back to a sense of seeking companionship and connection; being born with a lifelong friend has caused me to rely on others and anticipate receiving the same level of care that I offer. I have always had my someone, and when he left for basic training, I latched onto my now husband, and although he is 500% my person, there lies a need for that "other person," that sounding board outside the realms of familial or romantic relationships. This continues to shed light on the innate desire for authentic connections that go beyond the roles we play in each other's lives. The paradox of being surrounded by people, yet feeling isolated in one's emotional journey, highlights the importance of nurturing a relationship with oneself, of finding solace and understanding within one's own being.
While my story unfolds with a raw honesty about the challenges of being the perpetual caregiver and the silent sufferer, it also holds a promise of hope and transformation.
While I strongly dislike leaving my posts without resolve, it is important that I acknowledge that there is more work, on my behalf, to be done! I have spoke before and will reiterate for those who may not have heard, but this year, I am on a journey of self-reflection, of navigating the complexities of my relationships, and of embracing the process of self-discovery with open arms. The path to self-rediscovery is paved with introspection, resilience, and a commitment to honoring one's own worth, beyond the roles society assigns.
As I embark on this narrative of unraveling the dichotomy of being the ultimate support system, let us journey together towards a deeper understanding of self, a reclamation of personal agency, and a celebration of the intricate nuances that shape our human connections.
Stay tuned for the next chapter in this poignant exploration of finding strength in vulnerability, of discovering the beauty in one's own resilience, and of embracing the transformative power of self-love.
XO, Kelleen
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