Consideration During Conflict: Choosing Love When It Would Be Easier Not To

Consideration and how it shows up when things are hard, not just when they’re easy.

If consideration is easy when things are calm, then conflict is where it’s truly tested.

Because anyone can be thoughtful on a good day. Anyone can be kind when life feels light. But when emotions are high, patience is thin, and both people feel misunderstood — that’s when consideration becomes a choice, not a feeling.

After thirteen years together, we’ve learned that conflict doesn’t destroy marriages. How you handle it,  does.

Conflict Isn’t the Enemy — Disconnection Is

Disagreements are inevitable.

Different personalities, different stress loads, different expectations — they will collide.

What causes real damage isn’t the argument itself, it’s when a partner feels dismissed. When you feel unheard and feel like you, and you alone, are the only one fighting.

Consideration during conflict means remembering this truth:
Your partner is not the enemy — the problem is.
And that subtle shift changes everything.

Pause Before You React

When conflict hits, the instinct is to defend, interrupt, or prove a point.

But consideration starts with a pause.

Before responding, ask:

• What is my partner actually trying to say beneath their words?

• Are they asking to be understood, not corrected?

• Is this moment about winning — or about staying connected?

That pause is powerful.

It prevents words that can’t be taken back.

It creates space for empathy to step in.

It gives you the chance to choose connection over being right — and that choice can change the entire outcome of the conversation.

Listen to Understand — Not to Win

One of the most loving things you can do in an argument is listen, without planning your rebuttal.

Consideration sounds like:

• “Help me understand what you’re feeling.”

• “I didn’t realize it landed that way.”

• “I see why that hurt you.”

It doesn’t mean you agree with everything, in retrospect, you are showing that you respect their experience, enough, to acknowledge it.

Being heard often de-escalates conflict faster than being right ever could.

Mind Your Tone — Not Just Your Words

You can say the right thing in the wrong way and still cause harm - and boy is that a lesson I have learned the hard way time and time again. But I digress, consideration during conflict means paying attention to your tone, volume, and timing.

Sometimes the most considerate choice is saying:“I’m too emotional to talk about this right now. Let’s come back to it later.”

That’s not avoidance.That’s emotional maturity.

What We’re Practicing This Year

In our marriage, choosing consideration during conflict looks like:

• Slowing conversations down.

• Calling time-outs when emotions run hot.

• Validating feelings before solving problems.

• Repairing quickly and intentionally.

• Reminding ourselves we’re on the same side.

We don’t get it right every time.

But we’re committed to getting better.

The Takeaway

Conflict will happen. But it doesn’t have to leave scars.

When you lead with consideration — even in disagreement — you create a marriage where:

• Both people feel safe.

• Growth is possible.

• Love deepens instead of hardening.

Because the strongest relationships aren’t the ones without conflict. They’re the ones that handle it with care.

Love isn’t proven when things are easy. It’s proven when you choose kindness — even when you’re hurt.

And that choice?

That’s consideration in action. 💛

XX, Kelleen