Being that it is summertime, my boys and I have found ourselves at the pool, enjoying our neighborhood parks (when it’s not 100 degrees out), and frequenting the local indoor playground! The indoor playground is within a church, but is separate enough, and open to the public, and we absolutely love it!! There is something so exciting about my boys being able to run off some energy, make new friends, all the while in the AC, while I sip on a freshly brewed coffee from their coffee shop, typing away all my hopes and dreams. But as any mama knows, when you subject your kids to an open-to-the-public activity, you are subjecting them to the good, the bad, and the ugly.
This can become a hot topic for some, but let me be the first to say, it is never okay, for you to discipline a child, that is not yours. And before you come in hot at me, just hear me out.
I will be the first to admit that I have seen my fair share of inappropriate behavior while out with my kiddos, and boy it seems like kids go feral at both the indoor and outdoor playgrounds! And I’d be lying if there haven’t been times where I have wanted to go over to a kid and tell them to knock it off, but babe, I know that that won’t do a darn thing but set off a mama bear.
Earlier this week, the boys and I visited the indoor playground, and while all the mamas find themselves chatting away, chasing their younger kids around the atrium, typing away on their computers (much like I am doing in this very moment), or even enjoying an un-interrupted phone call, all of a sudden, a mama starts yelling, “kid in the red shirt, you better keep your hands off that kid before I go up there and get you myself!” And when I say that there was an ungodly, long, uncomfortable silence that followed, babe… it was wild!! Then she continues “if that is your kid, you better tell him to keep his hands off the other kids, I have seen him hit three different kids in the last three minutes.” And boy, I totally understand her frustration because there is nothing more irritating than seeing your little babe, or others, being pushed around by a mean-kiddo, but I couldn’t find myself agreeing with the manner at which she handled this situation.
To me, she should have just said the second part, and in a less aggressive manner. As moms, I agree that we should all look out for one another, for the other moms and of course the children as a whole, but I strongly believe that when it comes to discipline, that that has got to come from the mama herself!! And if she truly wanted to chat with the kiddo herself, a nice “it’s not nice to hit, please don’t hit my kid again” would suffice just as well!
While the end result of this scenario was without confrontation, I couldn’t help but think about how this could have skyrocketed into something completely out of control!
My heart skips a beat anytime I hear raised voices to or around my kids, those protective instincts kick in, and the flight or fight mode has you ready to intervene, but I believe that there is a delicate art of handling such tense situations, like when someone else’s frustration boils over to the point of yelling at a child that isn’t theirs.
Yelling is a natural response when emotions run high, but it can be jarring, especially when directed at a child. As a parent or guardian, it is essential to approach these situations with a calm, yet confident demeanor.
Before ever leaping to conclusions or rushing to the defense of your child, you must first take a moment to assess the situation. Is the other person’s frustration justified?? Could there be a misunderstanding that led to this particular outburst? Understanding the context can help you respond more effectively.
When addressing a person who just yelled at your child, choose your words carefully. Express your concerns in a calm, yet firm, tone! Acknowledge their feelings, but also assert your boundaries. Those are your babies, and while you may have missed their wrongdoing, it is your job to correct the behavior. In a life-or-death type of situation, the circumstance may vary, but 9 times out of 10, a parent should resolve this, not a bystander. Effective communication can diffuse the tension and lead to a more constructive resolution, and while the other party may have an overly assertive manner of communication, your goal should be to diffuse the situation, correct said behavior, and move along.
It is natural, and a mama’s instinct, to feel protective of your child, but showing empathy towards the other persons frustrations can help de-escalate the situation. Understanding their perspective doesn’t mean condoning their actions but can help pave the way for a more empathetic dialogue.
Once you have addressed the immediate issue, it is crucial to establish boundaries. Clearly communicate what behavior is acceptable and what is not, both to the individual who yelled, and to your child. Setting boundaries reinforces respect and ensures a safer environment for everyone.
Whew, after the dust has settled, it is essential to seek resolution. Depending on the severity of the incident, this may involve a sincere apology, a conversation to clarify misunderstandings, or etc. Aim to resolve the issue amicably and move forward positively. In the hustle and bustle of parenting, playground confrontations can be challenging to navigate, however, by approaching such situations with confident, empathy, and effective communication, you can transform moments of tension into opportunities for growth and understanding.
Conflicts are a part of life, and a huge part of parenting, and while they may appear to be uncomfortable and oftentimes highly emotionally charged, how we choose to address them shapes the outcome. So the next time you find yourself faced with the unsettling scenario, stand tall, speak calmly, and handle the situation with grace!
While the resolve of our in-person scenario didn’t result in any of the above, I think it is important that we have the conversations that can feel uncomfortable, and always be prepared! While I knew my kiddos weren’t the one’s being scolded, I did do my due-diligence and walked over to them and reminded them that we play softly, keep our hands to ourselves, and to be kind to all!
Let’s strive to make our playgrounds – and our world – a better, kinder, place for all!
XO, Kelleen
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