I remember being a kid and feeling like when I reached my mid-twenties, that I would have my whole life figured out. It seemed so mature and "old", people seemed so tall and to truly have their life all together. I know now that being in your twenties is a time of exploration and self-discovery. I have made it through my "quarter life crisis" that is 25, but over the last year, I have had some revelations. I don't feel nearly as wise and mature as my 5-year-old self-thought I'd be, but dang I feel pretty put together!
It's okay to say no. I have struggled with this since, forever. And I have finally learned that there is nothing wrong with saying no. It is not a crime, even though it may feel that way. If something doesn't fit for you or you don't want to do something, just say no, there is no point in uttering "yes" just to please other or avoid potential trouble. To an extent, we all desire to be liked, and with that, there is oftentimes a fear of saying "no" because you don't want to disappoint "them" or be "disliked". But I have learned that there is no reason to feel guilty in saying no, our lives are not solely to please others! There is no need to compromise your convictions just to fulfill other's desires for you. And let's not try to fit into someone else's image off you! Be you! And say no!
Each day is a gift. It is so easy to live not only for today but for the future... We live in a world where your focus should be on the "big picture". Not only thinking about now but concerning ourselves with what's to come. It is so easy to get caught up in planning for the days ahead that we start taking the days we have, for granted. Plan for your life and your future, but don't put today to the side. Book the trip but also put some into savings. Don't be frivolous but remember, YOLO (like the kids use to say. ha!)
Capture everything! So much of my life has been lived online, and one reason as to why I am so happy to share so much is because it gives me a constant time machine to step back into a particular day or experience and relive it. This relates back to traveling, your kids growing up, your family.... capture as many moments as possible so that you have a constant roll of memories to play back and share. It is surprising how quickly the years go and how much is forgotten.
Everything is relative. Perspective is key- what may be your best-case scenario could be another’s worst nightmare. Don't get too hung up on your situation and lose sight of the bigger picture.
Let go of your expectations. Life does not always go as planned. It is up to you to adapt to life while those curve balls are headed right for ya’. When life puts obstacles in your path, get past them- whether it’s over them, on top of them, under or around them... carry yourself, with grace, through those critical moments of life. Keep going, you have to! Accept that there are many things in life that will not go as you once thought, but have a shot, and tackle those moments. Some of life's biggest pleasantries are brought by the unexpected! Be positive.
Maintain relationships with your parents! As I have gotten older, I have grown to appreciate the things that my parents have done for me, and I cannot fathom my life without them. When you become a parent, your appreciation for your parents will only grow. Life's best moments are fleeting, and it is important to remember, as we get older, so do our parents!
Emotions can be temporary. Outside of the love you have for your family and friends, emotions are just a state of mind that you move through. Even though we all know this, it can be hard to not make permanent decisions based on our temporary emotions. It is a blessing and a curse, we certainly don't want to feel a sense of despair or devastation for long periods of time, we want to hold onto joy, peacefulness, and happiness, but as defined, feelings are "an emotional state or reaction...."
Let go of any anger or jealousy. Forgiveness can be so empowering. Don't forgive someone because "they deserve it", forgive them because YOU deserve that inner peace. Why hold yourself back? A good life is when you assume nothing. Do more but need less. Smile often, dream big and laugh, a lot! Love with complete abandon. And never forget to count your blessings, each and every day.
Mistakes happen- but learn from then. Life is one giant learning process, we learn as we go and the more, we learn, the more we grow. I had always been afraid of making mistakes, of being wrong but I've learned that the rules of life require us to be open to failing. Life is about trial, and error and every mistake is an opportunity. A lesson learned- never stop living, learning, and growing!
Always say "I love you" and "thank you". These simple tries are free and should be said regularly. Don't just expect your partner or family, friends, or children to just "know" that you appreciate them, verbalize it and say it each and every day!!
Being reactive or proactive is a choice. Sometimes things happen that we did not foresee, but you still have the control to decide how you react. Your reactions always remain your choice, a choice that can snowball into what happens next. We can blame things on specific circumstances but shifting the responsibility onto something else but that never a positive solution. We must remain accountable for ourselves and our choices. You're in control of your emotions, they are not in control of you. Sometimes it can feel as if we do not have a choice, but it might be that you just aren't seeing the options you wanted and are subconsciously blinding yourself from options available, with hopes of something "better". Be open to all possibilities because when we adjust our perspective, other options always appear!
Don't focus on what you don’t have, rather focus on what you do have! It is so easy to focus on everything that you don't have, or you see others have and feel you're missing out on. I have found myself "missing" some freedoms I had prior to becoming a mom... but I have instead, taken those moments as a chance to look at what I do have! To take inventory of my blessings. I am grateful to have two of the most amazing kids on the Earth. I am grateful to be able to stay home with them and provide a life that I always wished I could. I am grateful to have a purpose outside of myself and being able to see how much they grow and learn, firsthand, is remarkable! Practice gratitude, even in those difficult times.
It's cliche, but it's okay to not be okay. Life can be fucking hard. It can feel like your whole world is crashing apart, that you have no control over anything and that those around you aren't treading water like you are. But that is not always the case!! We all struggle. Some more than others, some more publicly than others. But it is important to acknowledge that it is okay to not be okay. Pretending to be okay and putting on a show for others is exhausting, draining, and unnecessary. Take break, have a step back, talk to someone. Open up and you'll be surprised at how many others are going through similar feelings at similar times! You are not alone!'
Stop comparing yourself to others. This comes with the world of social media; I feel like social media holds some of the biggest triggers for damaging your mental health. Taking a social media detox can help you realize you are perfect just as you are, that your life is just on track as it should be, and you may find that you're "doing better" than you originally thought! It is so easy to get in the toxic habit of comparing yourself to others, your perspective of life and of yourself! It doesn't matter if someone who is younger than you is further in their career. It doesn't matter if your friends are all settled down and having kids and you aren't. It doesn't matter if someone else is skinnier, curvier or taller than you. Those people, they aren't you!
Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to you! If you compare yourself to who you were, just a few years ago, months even, you will be able to see your growth. Rather than a negative mindset caused by comparing yourself to others, create a positive mindset by comparing yourself to you. Take time to reflect on your past and you will begin to see how far you have come, and how much you have accomplished. Use this mindset to strive to become a better version of you, everyday!! Embrace your flaws and imperfections and do life at your own pace, in the way you wish! Imaging how boring life would be if we were all the same- if we all traveled at the same time, we all looked alike, succeeded in the same way... Plus, not everything you see on social media is real- just saying!
Cut people from your life that make you miserable. Please don't actually go out and kill anyone, but life is way too damn short to put up with people who don’t make you feel great! If someone is draining your happiness, phase them out of your life and keep thriving! Now it may not always be a walk in the park, but it can be the best thing for your mental health!
Be kind! Everyone is fighting their own personal battle. If someone is having a hard time, buy them flowers, take them out for dinner, often them encouragement- just smile kindly! No one is too busy to not have time to be nice to everyone they encounter. Whether it’s the waitress serving you at your local diner or the cleaner scrubbing the bathrooms at the bar you're at. Ask them how they are and wish them a good day- and mean it!
Time is more valuable than money. Anyone can do something to earn more money, whether that is reducing expenses or working for a raise, or even having a secondary employment- you can work to have more money. But no one truly knows how much time we have left, time is limited and its non-renewable.
Happiness is not a destination, but rather a mental state. There is no magic potion for happiness, you can't just wave a wand and have Prue happiness, you can be content in your life, but you can also feel not so happy every single day, and that's okay. Happiness is not a place that we get to and just stay- it is a state of being which changes with the tide. I have learned that there will always be something in life that makes you sad or angry, unhappy, and bothered, but on the flip side, there will ALWAYS be a reason to be happy. Focus on the good and face the bad head on, you WILL have more good days than bad, and there is ALWAYS something to be happy about!
Communication is key to healthy relationships. I have found that a lot of my failed relations ended because of lack of communication. It is imperative that we all learn to communicate clearly and properly with your family, partner, kids, coworkers.... With transparency and love, relationships can flourish and be successful.
Enjoy the small things! Are expensive things and fancy vacations nice, uh duh, but there is something so special about being happy with the right company. Being happy by yourself, doing simple `things that bring you joy. I thoroughly enjoy having my morning coffee on mu couch, spending Sunday nights at home with my husband and kids sharing laughs, or simply finding pleasure within my everyday life that bring me structure and comfort.
Listen more than you talk. The best conversations are not those listening to the sound of your own voice, rather the best conversations are those where you listen more than you talk, broadening your horizons and learning from someone who knows more or has experienced more. People love to talk and share their knowledge, experience etc. especially when they are passionate about the subject, but by listening activity, you can not only learn more, but also connect more with the speaker, who is happy to have you as a captivated audience.
Take people as they are. Every time I have tried to change people at a deeper level, to make them someone different, I have failed. The reason, I believe, is that it’s not only impossible, but wrong to even try. Instead, I now try to figure out what’s the best in people around me, and offer the little help I can, to bring that out in them. Everything that requires little nudges in the right direction works, everything that requires a complete change in values and beliefs doesn’t. When it comes to the people in your life, take them at face value, love them as they are or remove them from your life. Spending time arguing and hoping to change someone’s qualities is futile.
What people have to say about you says more about them. Deflection isn't something I understood until as of late. And even though it can be a bitter pill to swallow, when you're in the firing line of someone else's negativity, you have got to see beyond their words being thrown as weapons and realize what they are saying about you, speaks louder about them! We cannot always see our flaws and faults, but we are often quick to judge others, and best believe that's a two-way street. So, speak kindness and when others don't do the same to you, unsubscribe.
Be intentional. Being intentional isn’t expensive or time-consuming and it doesn't involve you giving anything up or throwing it all way, unless you want to, of course! Living life with intention is about making small, but conscious daily decisions that enhances your life and diminishes what clutters, distracts, or pulls you off course. It is the sum of these small decisions that shapes the bigger picture in life!
Be creative. Staying inspired and creative can be hard through different seasons of life. Creativity is something that comes and goes and while the pressure of your family life makes you feel like you to need to create in order to make ends
Never get too comfortable with life. Seek new challenges regularly and set goals that you can work towards!
If you are willing to share some bits of wisdom that you've learned throughout your life, please share them in the comments below. We can all benefit from a little additional life advice!
Cheers!!
XO: Kelleen
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