"You are who you hang out with"

We've all heard the clichés: "You are who you surround yourself with" or "Birds of a feather flock together." But are they really true?

When I take inventory on my friendships, both past and present, I have found that I have always had a vast variety of friends, and often, they were quite different than me.

Over the years, I’ve experienced deep, meaningful friendships, that turned out to be “fake,” and I’ve also found “fake” friends who turned out to be, genuinely, great people. Through it all, I’ve learned how to be a better friend—and how to attract friends who align with my values and respect my boundaries.

There were times in my life when I felt like my circle was shrinking. And you know what? That’s okay. As you grow and evolve, the people around you will have their own reactions—good or bad. The more you grow, the lonelier it can feel, at times. So many of us have spent years chasing external validation, and it’s tough to break free from that, especially when surrounded by toxic friendships that treat you like a doormat.

But here’s the thing: the more I let go of the idea of a "Sex and the City" group of friends, the more I’ve been able to manifest real, healthy relationships that truly enrich my life. And honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without them.

What I have observed about myself and the friendships I have, is that some of my closest friends, have experienced similar loss, rejection, deprivation, etc. and have learned from, grown from, and are successful because of. These friends don't lead with these narratives, as they could, instead they are able to empathize with others as a result and share when appropriate. My friends and I all stay in our own lane, we respect and support one another even when in passing traffic. There is no cost in my friendships. You won’t catch us counting cards or get obnoxiously offended. These friendships are effortless, and it is not at the cost of one of us losing our peace, sanity, dignity or self-esteem.

In friendship, it is imperative that you find yourselves not in the midst of a game, of tug-of-war. And although beliefs and opinions may vary, the core values you hold should be aligned- and that's what matters most. There should be no judgement, ever. A mutual understanding where you can help each other, regardless of the situation. And surprisingly enough, we are all busy- juggling kids, careers, and life- but that should only give you more to gab about over our Sunday morning brunch or our late night phone calls.

As I have seen the positivity that immerses from these friendships, I have learned to only invest my energy in people who are kind and uplifting. No more questioning my worth or seeking approval from everyone around me. I used to think I had to make everyone like me, but I’ve learned that that’s not possible—and it’s a recipe for self-sabotage.

Prioritize your peace, and only give your energy to what truly deserves it.

I've also learned to respond only to those who are respectful and kind in their honesty- not those who are disrespectfully brutal. I love some Real Housewives, but that doesn't translate to my friendships. Life can be spicy enough, and I'd much rather watch the drama then live through it.

Similiary to what I share with my kids, in friendship, we need to pay attention to how our friends respond to our accomplishments. If you worked hard and achieved something, their response should always be "oh my goodness, I am so happy for you!" - I'm talking all the excitement and support they can muster, authentically of course. If they are focysed on the cost or the probelms that miughtcome with it, then it might be time to reevaluate the relationship, or take time to discuss the changes you'd like to see. No one wants to feel like they're walking on eggshells around their friends. And you certainly don't need another Debbie downer in your life- you need a hype man!!

But here's the key: don't surround yourself with "yes men" either - when it comes to accomplishments, you want to be with some who celebrates with you!! You need friends who celebrate your wins, who encourages you and help you to be successful, but also offer the constructive feedback we all need. Real successes do not come when people are kissing your ass and sugar-coating things for you, you need friends who will push you to grow and cheer you on as you do.

I hhaven’t always been the best friend—I’ve had moments where I could have done better, and friendships I wish I could’ve handled differently. But with age comes growth, and I’m proud of the friend I am today. I will balways be the first to encourage you, cheer you on, and wish you well. I’m here to bring peace, but I’m also here to be honest. If I’m upset or feeling let down, I’ll speak up—but with kindness, always.

So, let's be friends!

Let’s lift each other up, support one another, and always be there when it counts. Let’s remove judgment and love each other deeply.

XO, Kelleen