Your Disappointment Doesn't Justify Disrespectful Behavior

Disappointment is a universal emotion.

It's something we all experience at some point in our lives, sometimes even on a daily basis. Whether it's due to a failed project, broken promises, or unmet expectations, disappointment can leave us feeling frustrated and disillusioned. However, what sets us apart is how we choose to respond to said disappointment.

It's essential to acknowledge that disappointment, although valid, should never serve as a justification for disrespect or mistreatment towards others. How we handle our disappointment speaks volumes about our character and values. Using disappointment as a license to lash out or behave in a disrespectful manner is a reflection of our own shortcomings rather than the actions of others.

Disrespect can be defined as not holding someone in high regard, or not valuing them enough.

From dismissive behaviors such as ignoring or belittling another person’s qualities, thoughts, opinions or feelings or furthermore invalidating and minimizing another’s feelings and experiences. Disrespect also goes hand in hand with the disregard for boundaries set by another person- their personal space or peace.

Understanding the Impact of Disrespect

Disrespectful behavior, fueled by disappointment, not only harms those on the receiving end but also tarnishes our own reputation. It's a slippery slope that can lead to damaged relationships, diminished trust, and a negative impact on our own well-being. When we let disappointment cloud our judgment and dictate our actions, we lose sight of empathy, understanding, and basic human decency.

People have varying ways of processing and dealing with disappointment.

Some may prefer introspection and solitude, while others seek support and validation from loved ones. However, none of these coping mechanisms should involve belittling or disrespecting others. At times, the people in our life will fail to meet our expectations, and although our frustration and disappointment is valid, we must all acknowledge that there is a right and wrong way to handle such feelings.

I am not going to advise you to lower your expectations of others to avoid disappointment, but what I am going to offer you some input on how to feel more empowered and less frustrated whenever your expectations fall short.

Emotional intelligence plays a significant role in how we navigate disappointments and setbacks.

It encompasses self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. By honing our emotional intelligence, we can better understand our reactions to disappointment and choose healthier ways to cope, avoiding the trap of harmful behavior towards others.

As children, we learn a set of expectations of how others should act, usually based on what some may say is “common sense”, but what’s “common” is cultural, not universal and our understanding of common sense is shaped by our socialization ie: how we were raised, prior experiences, prior interactions, etc. Being that no one’s socialization perfectly matches another, it is fair to say that we all have a unique list of expectations and wildly different ideologies about what qualifies as reasonable behavior, but I strongly believe we can all agree that yelling, calling someone out of their name, and shaming them, all fall under the “completely unacceptable response”, list.

Disappointment, when handled constructively, can be a catalyst for personal growth and resilience. 

It teaches us valuable lessons about adaptability, perseverance, and emotional strength. Instead of allowing disappointment to breed bitterness or contempt, we can use it as an opportunity for introspection, learning, and positive transformation.

When faced with the frustration of disappointment, rather than react in the moment, when hot and angry, try “zooming out”. Zoom outside your prospective, and take the opportunity to develop a more, well-rounded, understanding as to the potential reasons behind said disappointment. In fairness, a lot of our frustration with others actions stems from our assumption that the other party “knows better” than to act in the says we perceive to be unreasonable. Although in many case that may stand true, assuming about the intentions of another person without communication, makes an ass out of you and you alone.

Miscommunications are FAR more common than intentional disrespect or carelessness and rather than jumping on the bandwagon of “poor me”, take a moment to ask yourself, “was this done with malice intent or were they dealt a hand of cards that interfered?”

Choosing Respect and Empathy

In moments of disappointment, choosing respect and empathy over disrespect and aggression sets the stage for constructive dialogue and mutual understanding. It shows strength of character and emotional maturity, fostering healthier relationships and a more positive environment.

Ultimately, treating others with kindness and compassion, even in the face of disappointment, is a testament to our integrity and values.

No matter how strong our preference are as adults, no matter how much we tell ourselves that “they shouldn’t have done what they did”, we cannot make others do what we want. And guess what, we shouldn’t try to, because that my boy, is manipulation at it’s finest!

Communicate your feelings, preference, and expectations. Take ownership of your own happiness, acknowledge your feelings of frustration, but never lower yourself to a standard of which your character is questioned.

Disappointment is a natural part of life, but it should never be an excuse for disrespectful behavior. 

How we handle disappointment reflects our true character and values. By choosing to respond with respect, empathy, and emotional intelligence, we not only preserve our own integrity but also contribute to a more compassionate and understanding society.

Let's remember that disappointment is not a justification for mistreating others.

Instead, let's use it as an opportunity for personal growth, resilience, and building healthier relationships. Respect and empathy should always take precedence, leading us towards a more harmonious and empathetic world.

So, the next time disappointment knocks on your door, choose to respond with grace and kindness. Your character will thank you, and hey, don’t be an asshole!

XO, Kelleen